WOMEN CHOPS OFF SLEEPING HUSBAND’S PENIS, DROPS IT FROM MOVING CAR!” DON’T LAUGH, ITS TRUE! IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!!
Right now, thousands of agitated, irate women have read this headline and are contemplating similar action against you the next time you make an unwanted sexual advance, look at them the wrong way, or just generally piss them off!
MEN, PROTECT YOURSELF NOW!
If you found yourself a victim of CDS (Chop and Drop Syndrome), could you be sure the appropriate authorities would find your chopped member in time, and intact!
Could you be sure the penis part they found was even yours?
INQUIRE NOW ABOUT OUR LOW COST PENIS PROTECTION PLAN!
Plan A – The “Basic Package” We will register your penis and scrotum and tattoo them with their own unique registration numbers, insuring that in case of separation, you will get a perfect match EVERY TIME!
Plan B – The “Jurassic Prick” program. We will take a cell sample from your penis and clone replacement parts for you in the event a tractor-trailer rig runs over your penis, or some wild animal mistakes your detached member for a chew toy!
Plan C – “Balls of Steel” For those of you who believe in prevention, we offer a one-size-fits-all battery operated stainless steel jock strap that can be worn when necessary.
When you are asleep, an alarm will be activated when metal or other hazardous objects come within one foot of the jock strap. This will guarantee you a full night’s sleep, free of worry!
DON’T GET CAUGHT SHORT…… ORDER TODAY!