Windaes 98

Windaes 98

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Glasgow edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Glasgow. If you have one of the Glasgow editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Glasgow edition may be recognised by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDAES 98 with a background picture of a Whisky bottle superimposed on a Clydebank flag. It is shipped with a “Bells” screen saver.

Also note:

The Recycle Bin is labelled Bog

Dialup Networking is called Ma Mates

Control Panel is known as How Tae Fuck Aboot Wi The Settins

Hard Drive is referred to as Big Disk

Floppies are Them Wee Plastic Fuckers.

And instead of an error message, you get a windae covered with an empty Whisky bottle.

Other features:

OK = its aww-right

cancel = fuck off

reset = whit yoo aw aboot

yes = aye

no = nay fuckin’ chance

find = get it yer fuckin’ sel’

go to = orr therr

help = ah cannae dae it

stop = gie’s fuckin peace

start = fuckin’ move

settings = settins

programs = stuff at does stuff

documents = ma shit

Also note that Windaes 98 does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to WINDAES 98:

tiperiter = a word processor

cullerin book = a graphics program

addin mershene = calculator

scratch paper = notepad (usually unused)

sounds = CD player

porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer

pikchers = a graphics viewer

We regret any inconvenience it may have cause if you received a copy of the Glasgow edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

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