THIS IS HYSTERICAL

THIS IS HYSTERICAL…ONLY ANDY ROONEY COULD COME UP WITH THIS, AND …WHY
CAN’T ALL MEN THINK LIKE HIM?!?

Subject: OLDER WOMEN by ANDY ROONEY

Andy Rooney says, “As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of
all. Here are just a few reasons why An older woman will never wake you in
the middle of the night to ask, What are you thinking?” She doesn’t care what
you think.

If an older woman doesn’t want to watch the game, she doesn’t sit around
whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it’s usually
something more interesting.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what
she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a
damn what you might think about her or what she’s doing.

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the
opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve
it, they won’t hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it’s
like to be unappreciated.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends.
A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she
doesn’t trust the guy with other women. An older woman couldn’t care less if
you’re attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won’t betray
her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an
older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of
younger women or drag queens. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older
woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido’s stronger, her
fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal
and she’s lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her younger
cousin could never dream of.

Older women are forthright and honest. They’ll tell you right off you are a
jerk if you are acting like one. You don’t ever have to wonder where you
stand with her. Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed
hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a
fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

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