THINGS THAT CHANGE WHEN YOU LEAVE UNIVERSITY:

THINGS THAT CHANGE WHEN YOU LEAVE UNIVERSITY:
> > 1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep
> > 2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
> > 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
> > 4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies
> > are
> > replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.
> > 5. You don’t volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.
> > 6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
> > 7. You hear your favourite song in the lift at work.
> > 8. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy.
> > 9. The bank manager doesn’t write threatening letters any more.
> > 10. You carry an umbrella.
> > 11. Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.
> > 12. You don’t go to Tesco with all your friends.
> > 13. You have standing orders and direct debits.
> > 14. The heating works in your house.
> > 15. Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
> > 16. You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.
> > 17. You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.
> > 18. Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as ‘dressed up’.
> > 19. You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door
> > won’t turn down the stereo.
> > 20. You get out of bed in the morning even if it’s raining.
> > 21. Washing up is not an annual ritual.
> > 22. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
> > 23. You don’t know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.
> > 24. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
> > 25. You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.
> > 26. You don’t get ideas for drinks from local tramps.
> > 27. You don’t put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.
> > 28. You don’t spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls. 29.
> > You
> > “hate scrounging students”.
> > 30. You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when
> > drunk.
> > 31. Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.
> > 32. You can’t persuade your flatmates to ‘Drink till dawn’.
> > 33. You don’t spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.
> > 34. You always know where you are when you wake up.
> > 35. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
> > 36. A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.
> > 37. You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and
> > pregnancy test kits.
> > 38. A £3 bottle of wine is no longer ‘pretty good stuff’.
> > 39. You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.
> > 40. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
> > 41. You don’t have mice living in your kitchen.
> > 42. Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.
> > 43. You don’t go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.
> > 44. You have vacuumed.
> > 45. Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
> > 46. ‘I just can’t drink the way I used to’ replaces ‘I’m never going to
> > drink that much again’.
> > 47. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real
> > work.
> > 48. You don’t experiment with banned substances.
> > 49. You don’t get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.
>50.
> >
> > Lunchtime is not ‘the morning’.
> >

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