The hang-up hotline

The hang-up hotline

A Health Centre Answering Machine Message:

‘Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.If you are obsessive-compulsive,
press 1 repeatedly.If you are co-dependent, please ask someone
to press 2 for you.If you have multiple personalities, press 3,
4, 5 and 6.If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you
want – stay on theline while we trace your call.If you are delusional,
press 7 and your call will be transferred to themother ship.If
you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
tellyouwhich number to press.If you have amnesia, press 8 and
state your name, address, phone number,date of birth, social security
number and your mother’s maiden name.If you have short-term memory
loss, press 9.If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.If you
have short-term memory loss, press 9.If you have low self-esteem,
please hang up. All our operators are toobusyto talk to you.

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