The Bread Danger A recent newspaper headline read

The Bread Danger A recent newspaper headline read, “Smell of baked bread maybe health hazard.” The article went on to describe thedangers of the smell of baking bread. The main danger,apparently, is that the organic components of this aroma maybreak down ozone. When are we going to do something about bread-induced globalwarming? Sure, we attack tobacco companies, but when is thegovernment going to go after Big Bread? Well, I’ve done alittle research, and what I’ve discovered should make anyonethink twice…. THE FINDINGS ————- 1. More than 98 percent ofconvicted felons are bread eaters. 2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuminghouseholds score below average on standardized tests. 3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was bakedin the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; manywomen died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid,yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations. 4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committedwithin 24 hours of eating bread. 5. Bread is made from a substance called “dough.” It hasbeen proven that as little as one pound of dough can be usedto suffocate a mouse. The average person eats more bread thanthat in one month! 7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprivedof bread and given only water to eat begged for bread afteronly two days. PROPOSED RESTRICTIONS ——————— Most breadeaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significantscientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling. Inlight of these frightening statistics, we propose thefollowing bread restrictions 1. No sale of bread to minors. 2. No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all thesocietal ills we might associate with bread. 4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (whichmay appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.5. A $40.2 billion fine on the three biggest breadmanufacturers. Please send this e-mail on to everyone you know who caresabout this crucial issue. REMEMBER: “Think globally, act idiotically.”

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