Sunscreen? Don’t think so – Drink Alcohol!
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, alcohol would
be it. The long-term benefits of alcohol have been consistently
misunderstood by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has
no basis more reliable than my own drunken experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your alcohol tolerance. Oh, never
mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your alcohol
tolerance until it’s faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you’ll
look back at photos of yourself puking in a gutter and recall
in a way you can’t grasp now how much alcohol you drank and how
fabulous it really was. You are not as sick as you imagine.
Don’t worry about where the next beer is coming from. Or worry,
but know that worrying is as effective as trying to pull a page
model after 15 pints of Stella. The real troubles in your life
are apt to be things that never crossed your drink-addled mind,
like the unexpected lack of ale in the fridge on some idle Tuesday.
Drink one thing every day that scares you. Sing badly. Be reckless
when buying other people drinks. Don’t put up with people who
are reckless when buying yours. Gargle.Don’t waste your time on
shandy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind.
The race is long and, in the end, it’s only to the bar. Make up
compliments you received. Return the insults.If you don’t succeed
in doing this drink more beer now. Keep your old ring pulls. Throw
away your old cans. Wretch. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know
when you might dry-out in you life.The most interesting people
I know didn’t know at 22 when they would sober up. Some of the
most interesting 40-year-olds I know still haven’t. Get plenty
of kebabs. Don’t be too kind to your liver. You’ll hardly miss
it when it’s gone.
Maybe you’ll pull, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll get some bird
up the duff, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll enter rehab at 40,
maybe you’ll dance the nude conga at your 75th University Reunion.
Whatever you do, congratulate yourself far too much and berate
others. Your choices are half alcohol influenced. So are everybody
Enjoy someone else’s body.