Rules For A Man (100 ways to keep your Testosterone flowing)
1 Don’t call, ever.
2 If you like a girl, don’t tell her. It’s more fun to let her figure it out by herself.
4 Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, such as “spike”
6 Here’s a good pickup line, “My girlfriend’s pregnant, will you go out with me?
8 Play with yourself. Talk about it.
9 Be as ambiguous as possible. If you don’t want to answer, a nice grunt will do.
10 Always remember: You are a man. Therefore, no matter what, it isn’t your fault.
12 Girls find it attractive if a man has had more women than baths.
13 Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help- don’t ask. People will think you have no penis.
14 Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.
15 Vanity is the most important trait for a man to have. Whenever you pass a reflective surface, check you hair, clothing, etc.
16 If you don’t like a girl, but can’t think of a good enough reason why, just come up with trite, meaningless explanations like, “I don’t know. I just don’t like her personality.”
17 If, GOD FORBID, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.
18 TWO WORDS: Hack and spit.
19 Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine.
20 One sure way to make a girl like you is to go after her best friend. She will then see what she’s missing and love you for not giving up on her.
21 Tell her you will call. Then, refer back to rule