Pilot To Tower

Pilot To Tower

LH741:”Tower, give me a rough timecheck!”

Tower: “It’s tuesday, Sir.”

Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?

Pilot: Yes.

Tower: Yes what??

Pilot: Yes, SIR!

Tower: Shamu Two Two, please state estimated time of arrival.

Pilot: Ok, let’s see…, I think Tuesday would be nice…

Pilot: “Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS16.”

Tower: “Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower.”

Pilot: (short break) “Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker.”

Tower: “Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!”

Pilot: (short break again) “Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?”

Tower: “You can believe me, this is Vienna!

Pilot: (once again short break) “But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!”

Tower: “Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava.”

Pilot: “…Tower, please call me a fuel truck.”

Tower: “Roger. You are a fuel truck.”

Tower: “Phantom-Formation crossing controlzone without clearance, state your callsign !”

Pilot: “I’m not silly…”

Tower (in Stuttgart): “Lufthansa 5680, reduce to 170 knots.”

Pilot: “This is here like Frankfurt. There is also only 210 and 170 knots…But we are flexibl.”

Tower: “We too. Reduce to 173 knots.”

Pilot: “Ground, XY-line 195, requesting start-up.”

Tower: “Sorry, XY-line 195, we don’t have your flight plan. What is your destination ?”

Pilot: “To Leipzig, like every Monday.”

Tower: “But today is Tuesday!”

Pilot: “WHAT? But Tuesday we are off !”

Tower: “Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ?”

Pilot: “Negative, Sir. It’s only the same pilot.”

Tower: “Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading.”

Pilot: “Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345…” (Anm.: WILCO=Will continue)

Tower: “Lufthansa 893, number one, checkcar on the runway.” Pilot: “Roger. We’ll check the car on the runway.”

Tower: “Hotel Papa Oscar climb four thousand to six thousand and maintain.” Pilot: “Hotel Papa Oscar, climbing flight level 100.” Tower: “Hotel Papa Oscar, climb to flight level 60 and maintain.” Pilot: “But four plus six is ten, isn’t it?” Tower: “You should climb, not add up.”

Tower: “Flamingo 019, do you have a “Springbock” in sight, twelve o’clock five miles crossing from left to right ?” Pilot: “If you mean a 737…?” Tower: “Yeah, you got it, you got it !”

Tower: “Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you.” Pilot: “Roger. Looking out for John Wayne.”

Munchen II Tower: “LH 8610 cleared for take-off.” Pilot (LH 8610): “But we are not even landed.” Tower: Yes, who is then standing at 26 south ?” Pilot (LH 8801): “LH 8801.” Tower: “OK, then you are cleared for take-off.”

Tower: You have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles! Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches!

Tower: Mission 123, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass. Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel!

Pilot: Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.

Tower: KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.

Pilot: Please confirm: two hours delay?

Tower: Affirmative.

Pilot: In that case, cancel the good morning!

Eggenfelden Info : D-EXXX pls. report persons aboard.

D-EXXX (C-172) : Pilot and two pax and one dog.

Eggenfelden Info (after Cessna finally bounced to stop): Assume the Pilot in Command was the dog ?

Tower: “Height and position?”

Pilot: “I am 1,80 m and I’m sitting.

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