– A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
– A child will not spill things on a dirty floor.
– Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
– If a child looks like his father, that’s heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that’s environment.
– If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
– It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
– It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they’ll know as little as their parents.
– One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.
– You can learn many things from children… like how much patience you have.
– The first sign of child maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
– There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
– Those who say they “sleep like a baby” haven’t got one.