‘Oh Romeo, wherefore art thou?’

‘Oh Romeo, wherefore art thou?’
‘Jeeze! I’m under the balcony, cow;
I’m picking a rose
In my doublet and hose
And I … what do I say to you now?’

(aside) ‘What the hell do I say?’
‘You say …’ ‘Hush!’ (sotto voce) ‘Oy vey …’
‘And that’s all?’ ‘No there’s more;
You get down on the floor
Bend your knees and say ‘love you’; OK?’

‘Julietta, I love you tonight …’
(sotto voce) ‘My hose is too tight;
Can’t get on my knees;
It’s too much of a squeeze
And … oh bugger this!’ (exit stage right)

Julietta looked down in despair
From the balcony; ‘Well I declare’,
She said. (thund’rous applause)
(a dramatic great pause)
Then … ‘I might as well see to my hair.’

(cue hairdresser … Romeo’s stand-
in) ‘Oh lover, I give you my hand.’
‘Did you wash it?’ she muttered.
‘I may have’, he uttered.
(cue orchestra … strike up the band.)

‘Oh Romeo, where have you been?’
(‘Do we have to continue this scene?’
She enquired full of dread
As the audience fled
And the balcony started to lean

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