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Alternative Nursery Rhymes

Alternative Nursery Rhymes

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two hunks of bread.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet

(Interesting this one, my spell check wanted to change 'Muffet' to 'Muffed')

her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
But Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair
Said Simple Simon to the Pieman,
What have you got there?
Said the Pieman unto Simon,
Pies, you dickhead.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
said 'F*ck him, He's only an egg.'

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
to have little fun.
Jill, that dill
Forgot her pill
and now they have a son.

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Little Boy Blew.
Hey. He needed the
Money.

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