How to Go Insane At School
1. Change majors at least twice.
2. Live in a non-coed dorm for two (+) years.
3. Get infatuated with women who have little or no emotional warmth.
4. Drink heavily.
5. Change .plan weekly.
6. Take both ME and EE classes.
7. Time manage sponteneity.
8. Set record time on academic probation.
9. Solve PI to the last decimal place and/or
10. Predict female behavior.
11. Perform “mind meld” on chimp or humanities student.
12. Get a summer job normally reserved for recently paroled prisoners.
13. Look for a good party on Sunday night.
14. Analyze and worry about everything. (except what is important)
16. Constantly remind yourself that humour and a charming personality is better than money or looks. (yeah, right…)
17. Try real hard to be funny. (people look at you strangely anyway)
18. Do anything with a perfectionist.
19. Be as weird as possible. (I guess it comes naturally.)..
20. Send computer mail to uninterested parties…
21. Become so bored as to read textbooks in advance.
23. Have lots of attractive friends of the opposite sex that are seriously involved with someone else.
24. Continue being nice to people who could really care less…
25. Continue being mean to people who could really care less…
26. Assume that everyone tells the truth.
27. Listen to everyone else’s advice.
28. Be a witness to every dysfunctional relationship to have ever existed.
29. Come up with a new .plan.
30. Withhold from screaming when you hear the phrase “let’s just be friends…”
31. Ask a Jehovah’s Witness: If Jesus were in the hospital and needed an operation, could he get a blood transfusion from God?
32. Listen to anything by Phillip Glass. (You’d swear the record was stuck…)
33. Try to believe that the new comics can compete with Art Gallery.
34. Try to calm down a “type-A” personality.
35. Think about the future… Graduation!!! Finally? Do I HAVE to leave?
36. Buy a personals paper and count the errors.
37. Believe “It’s better to burn out, rust never sleeps…”
38. Count the minimum number of credits left to graduate.
39. Anticipate what you’ll REALLY be doing after graduation. (serious begging)
40. Convince someone (or yourself) that you enjoy engineering.
41. Start seeing marriage as an option.
42. Find a hobby, but never have enough time to make it enjoyable.
43. Don’t burn your bridges…blow them to Hell.
44. Find apathy a desirable quality in a lover.
45. Make maximum effort for minimum results.
46. Live a day riding shotgun. (eg. you’ve just started what’s due today…)
47. Alternate between completely opposite behaviors. (eg. Act different for different people.)
48. Second guess what people are REALLY trying to say.
49. Apologize for guessing wrong.
50. Abandon common sense in the name of fun.
51. Try to find someone with the answers.
52. Explain something you don’t understand. (great for presentations)
53. Look for lost time.
54. Live with a sociopath.
55. Vomit so often from drinking that it hardly bothers you anymore.
56. Stay awake in your most boring class.
57. Pass up offers from attractive women to go out drinking because you have to study, then blow off studying anyway and sit at home alone.
58. Guess what your grades will be every week.
59. Figure out what you’ll need to get your grad index to a decent level.
60. Explain to someone what you enjoy and why.
61. Make fun of religion (realizing that you’re damned)
62. Try to figure out why everyone you meet of the opposite sex either
A. doesn’t interest you
B. you don’t interest them
C. already has a love interest
D. is everyone else’s love interest
E. all of the above.
63. Try to imagine what life would be like eithout bureacracy.
65. Go to a video rental place with 2 or more friends. (…I’ve SEEN that!!!)
66. Find out what parties are going on when you have homework backed up.
67. Make a “Time Management” card, then TRY to stick to it. (I’ll sleep next week.)
68. Find some goals. (I’ll stop procrastinating next week.)
69. Deny any bizzare sexual conquest. (There is always SOMEONE who knows…)
70. Discern differences in Homecoming/Grad Prix candidates.
71. Talk to a racist without getting angry or punching him out.
72. Have a crush on someone at least 1000 miles away.
73. Become a love hostage. (definition available).
74. Have low self-esteem wars.
75. Make up nick-names for everyone.
76. Chase someone without moving. (metaphoric statement)
77. Get a decent Halloween costume that hasn’t been done a million times.
78. Make fun of Greeks, but try to go to their parties.
79. Figure out what makes you happy and avoid it.
80. Get to the point where nobody gives you advice anymore. (What am I going to do with you?; I don’t know what to tell you.)
81. Try to have a rational conversation with someone who’s in love.
82. Figure out how they could have made “Batman” better.
83. Live in fear of jealous (ex-) boyfriends of your female friends.
84. Having everything due (projects, tests, etc.) after a big party weekend.
85. Use your failing test scores as lottery numbers.
86. Compute what you HAVE to get on your finals to pass.
87. Flirt with soon-to-be-married friends.
88. Come up with gross nicknames for sororities: e.g. Smegma Kappa
89. Prove that Fraternity Man (does not)= Drunken Rapist.
90. Count your blessings and subtract them from your damnations.
91. Keep track of the “soap opera” of changing relationships.
92. Ask yourself “Where the hell am I and how did I get HERE?”
93. Keep making the same mistakes.
94. Spend at least a half hour a day looking for something in the house.
95. Avoid soon-to-be-divorced friends. (see
How to Go Insane At School