France has neither winter nor summer nor morals

“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these
drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by
—Mark Twain

“I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one
behind me.”
—General George S. Patton

“Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
—Norman Schwartzkopf

“We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.”
—Marge Simpson

“As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure”
—Jacques Chirac, President of France

“As far as France is concerned, you’re right.”
—Rush Limbaugh

“The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee.”
—Regis Philbin

“The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any
better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit
outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more
stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I
don’t know.”
—P.J O’Rourke (1989)

“You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn’t have the
face for it.”
—John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

“You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he
hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French,
—Conan O’Brien

“I don’t know why people are surprised that France won’t help us get
Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans
out of France!”
—Jay Leno

France is miserable because it is filled with Frenchmen, and Frenchmen
are miserable because they live in France.
—Mark Twain

Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.
—Ted Nugent

I hear the French tank has 14 gears. 13 of them are in reverse. The
forward gear is only used when someone attacks from behind.
The only way the French are going in with us is if we tell them we found
truffles in Iraq.

War without France would be like…World War II

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up? The Army.
Q: Why are all the boulevards in France lined with trees?
A: Because the Germans LOVE to march in the shade.
Q. How do you stop a French Tank?
A. Shoot the guy pushing it.
Q. How many Frenchman does it take to defend Paris?
A. We don’t know, it’s never been tried.

The best French bashing line I’ve heard over the last week is
“We can count on the French to be there when they need us.”

On the eve of battle between Germany and France…
On the German side the general turns to his aide and says, “Aide, get me
my red jacket. In the event that I am wounded, I don’t want the men to
see me bleeding. I don’t want anything to discourage them. I want them
to carry on and win this battle.”
On the French side the general turns to his aide and says, “Aide, get me
my brown pants.”
“The last time the French asked for ‘more proof’ it came marching into
Paris under a German flag.”
—David Letterman

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