There once was a man named Sweeny
whose wife was a terrible meany
The hatch on her snatch
Had a catch that would latch
And she could only get fucked by Houdini
Two queers who lived in Calais
ran into each other one day
they stood nose to nose
then exchanged blows
and happily went on their way
The Earth must be flat, seems to me,
Because otherwise how could the sea
Which contains only water
Stay put, when it oughta
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A man with two chins
Built bicycles for twins
He had on hand
A suitable brand.
Called them Siamese Schwinns.
There was a young scotsman named Andy,
Who went to a pub for a shandy.
On lifting his kilt
To see what he spilt,
The barmaid said 'Blimey - thats handy
A limerick writer named Ryan
Made up limericks all the time.
The thoughts that he had
Were usually bad,
But this one has no dirty lines
There once was a man from Bonaire
Who was doing his wife on the stair
When the banister broke
He doubled his stroke
And finished her off in midair
There was an old person of Sheen,
Whose expression was calm and serence;
He sat in the water,
And drank bottled porter,
That placid old person of Sheen
Then he found him a Nympho, named Grace.
For a hundred she'd move to his place.
One day they found Dave
Stone cold dead in his cave
With a beautiful smile on his face
There was a ship's Engineer - Scott,
Who often became overwrought.
'Ah think ah'll throw up,
Cos mah bairns'll blow up;
Unless this Scot changes the plot