A BRIEF WARNING FROM MICROSOFT
It has come to the attention of Microsoft that several copies of a Geordie version of Windows 2000, otherwise known as ‘Windaz Too Thoosand’, may have accidentally been shipped out of Newcastle.
If you have one of the Newcastle editions, you may need some help understanding the commands.
You will be able to tell immediately if you have a copy of Windaz 2000 by the egg-timer being replaced by a bottle of Brown Ale.
The recycle bin is labelled ‘Shite’
Dialup network is called ‘Me mates’
Control Panel is known as ‘Hoo we fook aboot wi the settins’
The hard drive is referred to as ‘Big disk wi aall me stuff on it’
Other features to note:
Ok – Alreet
Cancel – Fook that
Yes – Aye
No – Nee fookin chance
Goto – Owa there
Help – Ah cannit dee it
Personal folder/My Documents – Me shite
– ‘Favorites’ now lists every pub in the North East, with recommendations.
– ‘File’ is a ready on-screen reminder of what to put in your Mam’s cake for your Eric’s next visiting day.
– ‘Tools’ lists hardware shops carrying the best housebreaking tools, and reviews those shop’s security systems.
– ‘View’ lists the best lovers parking spots overlooking Whitley Bay.
Applications that are exclusive to the new Windaz 2000:
Tipe Rita – a word processor
Cullarin book – a graphics package
Addin masheen – a calculator
Dole 2000 – accounting software